wat word could i use to describe my life now...

i guess "-------------------------------------" is the word...

i live day in day out not knowing wat i was doing...

work is SERIOUSLY wearing me out...

and life at home isnt too fulfilling too...

i guess i had lost that passion in life...

i am not longer bubbly, happy...carefree...
i worry about every little thing...
or maybe its bcoz at this stage i am in...
this phase of life...
when things somewat piles up...

i caught myself staring into the blank wall in my room..
for nothing...thinking abt nothing....doing nothing...staring at NOTHING...

i juz STARED...

or was it am i too stressed out with life??

everytime i tell him, dear i am bored...
all he says is come here let me hug hug u...

10 mins later....

he juz dozed off....

it happen countless times...
well, i given up counting how many times it happened...

i am not unhappy with life...
or maybe i am....

but i juz ask myself, "hey, wat do u wanna do in this life??"
"u wanna waste it juz lidat??"

i dun know...

work hasnt been good for him...
fuck his bloody "i-think-i-am-the-smartest-person-on-earth" boss...

his work is affecting him...
so does it affect US...

shall not mention here exactly wat...
but i juz felt deprived...
deprived of everything...

i cant tell him this, knowing that he's stressed enough...
but cant he tell that i am feeling like SHIT inside...
and i mean REAL SHIT!!!

i wanna cry...but dun know wanna cry for wat???
i feel sad and uptight..
but oso dun know for wat...

i juz feel that i am losing "ME"...

i forgotten how i used to me...

i dun hangout as much with my friends now...
i juz stayed at home...

i hate this feeling...but i got no whr i wanna go...
no goals to accomplish...

maybe i should like pick up a hobbie....
but thr's none that attracts me...

saw darling baking those little cupcakes and i am sooo envy...
not that i cant...but thr juz isnt plc that i can do...

baking(aka messing up) in MIL's kitchen...
she's juz gonna kill me....
or maybe i should juz wait till my plc comes...
till i have my own kitchen...

i really feel like crying...
but am not gonna do that...

my lumigan is juz too expensive for me to wash it off my lashes with tears...

wait till one day,
i think i will juz take sometime off and be alone far far away...
when will that be???