finally...

i got my eye job done...
and going thru the healing process now...

argh!!
its indeed tough...

walking around with a swollen pair of eyes isnt wat i wanna be seen with...
still healing takes time...

and yeah...
i am that sort of impatient bitch...

am heading to HK in 8 days time...
for some educational trip that MOH organised...

well,
i am kinda looking forward,
but at the same time i am not...
well, partly due to my swollen eyes,
another thing is that i wont be able to spend much time with him over that wk end...

haiz...

izzit that i am pms-ing...
or i juz simply love to be affected by other ppl's problem...

when the whole world thinks it has nothing gonna do with them...
its only me that is left to feel pissed and angry over the whole matter...
i mean...
i oso dun know why...
but i juz felt pissed...

the same kinda pissed feeling when she left us...
not really a sense of betrayal...
but feels like we cannot be trusted and watever we say simply holds no weight in ppl's heart...

maybe we are not their real friends...

i dun know...

something that kevin told me the other night...

abt woman being a powerful creature...

he said "Behind every successful man, there is forever a strong woman..."

will, i guess we heard abt this a 100000000 times...
but who ever ponder wat this phrase really means?

well,
at least i did...

I always thought that behind every successful man, there will always be a woman who:

1. helps to take care of his kids while he slog his life @ work.
2. prepare his dinner and wait patiently for him to come home.
3. take care of his daily laundry and washing stuff.
4. clear up the house/the mess that the kids made.
5. lie in bed and wait for her man to be home.
6. be his sex slave and make all his fantasies come true.
7. neber ask wat he is doing outside.

last but not least,
8. make him feel like he's the KING...

hubbie always says as long as i take care of the things at home and put his mind in peace,
well knowing that somebody is jagar-ing his home for him...
so he could have a peaceful mind and go all out and fight in his career and provide his best for his family...

maybe thats from a man's POV...

but kev instill a new thinking into me...

he said... its all abt POP...

POWER OF the PUSSY!!!

well...please dun get me wrong...its not that "pussy" u are thinking abt...

like shooting ping pong ball using ur uhem... down there...
or hiding some razor blades inside us...
(liek those thai-show stunt...lol..)

but its all abt the POWER of WOMAN...

we have certain powers,
or rather we can manipulate ppl using their love for us/ sexual desire for us to achieve somethings...
of course i dun mean like get me a drink and i will bed u??

no no...thats not wat i mean...

well, many man think with their head...
0.00001% big head and 99.99999% with their small head...

so well basically man is a pretty easy animal to control...
but why is there so many heart breaking bastards out there???

we blame no one but ourselves...

we are the one that open ourselves to all these hurts...
we are the one that asked for it...
we are the one that is not strong enough and fumble at their feet...
we let our heart to play us out....

i had neber seen many woman exercising their power...
well, at least not the ppl around me...
not even myself...

we give in too easily...
we cant let go...
we hold on to useless relationship...
we hate the feeling of losing...
we hate that heartache...

we are stupid woman...

but who dun fall and learn their lesson?

well, at least i look back,
and saw my old scars...
i am glad that i had them to keep...

it reminds me of how badly i was hurt the other time,
how much pain i went thru,
how much tears i shed,

and how fortunate i am now...
how i rip the fruits of wat i sowed...

heartaches are meant to be accepted and lessons are meant to be learnt...
but not meant to be kept in ur heart to torture u till ur death bed...

when are u going to wake up and accept that wat u want isnt really HIM?
when are u going to realise that he can give u nothing?
when can u let go of ur past and accept that things are neber gonna be the same?
when can u understand that u and him are already in the history?

i felt sad when my friend told me that i dun understand..
maybe i really dont...
at least thats wat she feels...

if thats wat keeps u happy, by all means...
i juz hope that history do not repeat itself...

T.C.