its a wink of the eye...
and we are at the end of 2008...

a year thats so full of things to remember...

how i struggle thru my adv dip...
how the emotional crisis pushes me down...
how the love from my loved ones helped me up...
how i decided to make a turning point in my life...
how i know XXX...
how we started...
and how it all ends...
how my heart was drained off all emotions...
how my tears accompanied me thru the nights...

so many things happened...
and so many silly things i did...

its all in 2008....

well...
i have no new year resolutions...
or should i start having some?
but i am only left with another 9 more hrs to think...
before the new year kicks off...

well...
i juz wanna have a "pain"less life...

free from heartaches...
free from sleepless nights...
free from haunting memories...
free from tears...

and maybe,
continue to lose more weight...
for myself...

now that i had private my blog...
i can write more of "myself"...
and need not worry how others will look at me...
esp him...
when he juz simply dun understand wat i mean...

well,
that doesnt matter anymore...

maybe at this time of the year..
that very last few seconds...

i juz wanna be alone...
drown in my work...
and njoying it...
with the company of my dear colleagues...
the crying kids...
and complaint-full parents...

guess i will be happier this way..
rather than suffering the constant heartache inside...

and maybe i will be free from the harsh reality for a minute...
this is wat i hope...

i am not gonna call him today...

no new year wishes for us...
nothing...

ask me why start the yr like this...

i got no idea...

we quarrelled abt the marriage again yest...
and its breaking us up...

isnt marriage something to unite us?

in our case...
no...

its juz something that HE WANTS TO DO...

maybe like a project?

well,
he said if we dun get married soon,
he will lose all motivation...
he will be lost...
without a goal to work towards...
nothing to look forward to...
he said he cant promise that he will not find another more suitable girl...
he may stray...
juz like wat i did...

well,
i got no comments...

afterall...
i am the one who let him down...
i dun wanna find excuses for myself...
i dun wanna push the blame around...
wats the point?
will he even feel that he has a part to play??

the fact is - i did fall for another guy...

can i even feel hurt when he said he may turn to another girl??
am i in any position to feel upset??

or maybe its juz pay back time...

i dun know...

i have no control over this...
maybe i should juz let God take control...
and i'll juz flow with it...

anyway, i am tired...
i juz wanna njoy myself...
with my friends...

njoy shopping,
buying clothes...
KTV...
makan...
etc etc...

and not to touch that hurting spot again...

well...
maybe that my new year resolution too...

Goodbye 2008...
and Happy 2009...