life has been great for me...

thou there are still little things that i can pick on...

like never-ending work...
irritating colleagues/ patients...
having to plot my leave 1 yr in advance!!
and wats worst...
we have to "fight" with ppl for popular leave slots (e.g. CNY and XMAS)...
not being able to get the phone that i wanted so much...
occasional headache...
(due to lack of sleep and overwork...)
my mum's nagging...
(the list goes on...)

well...

other than all these...

i am really grateful for how things are going...

everyday waking up...
my mind is juz full of him...

hohohohohoho...

think he had been exceptionally sweet and understanding recently...

oh...

and did i mention abt how he comfort me the other day when i was super pissed with myself??

yahz...

the story goes like this...

my colleague brought in an apnoea child into resus...
initially both of us thought that the child collapsed and wanted to start "bagging" him...
but we saw he had jerky movements...
thus we thought that he is juz fitting and turn blue..
so we juz blust him with o2...

initially...everything was fine...

however, the 2 doctors fail to get in an IV plug for the child...
(bcoz the circulation was really bad... and the child was kinda chubby...)
and he keep having breath-holding episodes...
thus they decided to code blue...

kaoz!!

thats when i start going crazy...

as i assign myself as the drug nurse...
(thats wat i usually do...feels that i am more confident dealing with drugs rather than the airway..)
however i really dun know wat the fuck is wrong with me during that resus...

i am really fine with all my previous intubation...
i mean both the cases were similar to this one...
all fitting till need to tube kind...
then i am the drug nurse for both cases...
and i am perfectly fine...
(some more i can still query the MO and ask her to go and check with the senior doc regarding the drug dosage...)

but i dun know why this resus,
i am juz super unsteady lohz!!!

my hands are SHAKING!!!!

i really shake until i cant draw my drugs sia!!

wah lan eh!!!

wats worst...

there was this ICU nurse thats beside me and she's juz constantly stressing me!!!

WTF!!!

i juz cant do anything inside lohz!!!

after that i got super pissed with myself and i juz left the resus room...
and went for my break...

then during my break...
i got really really upset...
i msged hubbie...

i told him i dun know why i got so nervous!!
and ppl call me "trauma trained"!!!
but my performance is like shit!!!
why am i still so not zai!!

i feel like crying my heart out...
screaming at myself for how silly i am!!
how useless i was...
or maybe i am juz good for nothing...
my morale was like SHIT!!!
down in the drain...

at first i thought he wont reply me at all...
(thats what he usually do when he's sleeping...)
juz then...
his msg came...

"dont worry...
you juz long time neber do...just learn lohz...
even old bird or sister will be like that...
you will be steady over time...
you will gather ur zai-ness slowly...
however you must learn from experience bcoz u are responsible for other ppl's life...

not everyone can do ur job...
so u already bery good liao...
and since u passed the course (he mean my adv. dip i guess),
its means that u got something...
but u juz need more real life experience...
oki...let me go back to sleep..."

wah kaoz eh!!!

that is all i need to pull me out of that dark smelly drain...
and into the heaven....

hahahha...

i still cant believe that he said those words...
or did he copy from some template??

hahaha...

but its his usual nua nua (rotten) english lehz...

hahaha...

then after i ask him...
whether izzit really him who type the msg...

then he juz say...
not me then who!!
who else could be using my phone to msg u...

hahahaha...

i was really really bery bery touched...

this is better than anything that money could ever buy....

hahahaha...

能够爱你,
是我一生最美的事...

YOU'RE THE SWEETEST THING I COULD EVER DESERVE...