had the urge to write in a post after i read a couple of articles on the recent CHC issue...
guess many would have knew wat happened...

well...i used to be from there...
ex-chc goer...

thou i am already not in that church...
but it doesnt mean that i STOP believeing in God...

how can i stop believeing in someone who is ever so real??
the Only One that neber fail to answer my prayers...
The one that guide me...
thou many many things...
and given me wat i had today...
countless encounters that had proven me that He is there and is ALWAYS there...

if u ever been to a CHC service, u will know...
i had been to other services too...in other churches....

but neber had a felt the touch of God so strong...
only in that plc...
the presence of God...
no words can describe...
u can only be there and experience it for urself...

well,
i am not like selling this church now...
but i believe in watever HE is doing...
and of course, watever Mr SaTan is doing too...

war out in the market place is juz sooo real...
this is juz one example of how Mr SaTan can use things and situation to turn and hit God's ppl...

he takes every oppotunity, every single chance he has....

i guess Mr SaTan would have been plotting this for a long long time...
to give a huge strike on His ppl...

i pray that God return his ppl a fair share of Justice...

Let the World see what is it about...

there is alot of questions that i cant answer...
even when my MIL ask me, "why they have to give 10% of wat they earn to the church every month??"

then why do ppl spend tonnes and tonnes of money on 4D, TOTO, put money in temple and all???

its for a hope...
they are buying for a hope...
a hope that they will gain more...

well, in this case...
its well stated in the bible that we have to give 10% of our earning to God...
its call tithes...
that about all i understand...

then she ask again then why so and so dun give money to his/her mom yet give money to church??
his/her mother feed her so big then dun give her money give the money to the church...

then can i ask why ppl no money liao still die die wanna buy 4D???
not as if the singapore pools got always feed him/her, why he still die die wanna throw the money into their pocket???

its again abt hope...

juz that wat ppl believe in is soooo different...

watever it is...

i believe in God and watever is plan by him...

i juz hope that these whole issue will resolved asap...

returning his ppl the justice...

wat word could i use to describe my life now...

i guess "-------------------------------------" is the word...

i live day in day out not knowing wat i was doing...

work is SERIOUSLY wearing me out...

and life at home isnt too fulfilling too...

i guess i had lost that passion in life...

i am not longer bubbly, happy...carefree...
i worry about every little thing...
or maybe its bcoz at this stage i am in...
this phase of life...
when things somewat piles up...

i caught myself staring into the blank wall in my room..
for nothing...thinking abt nothing....doing nothing...staring at NOTHING...

i juz STARED...

or was it am i too stressed out with life??

everytime i tell him, dear i am bored...
all he says is come here let me hug hug u...

10 mins later....

he juz dozed off....

it happen countless times...
well, i given up counting how many times it happened...

i am not unhappy with life...
or maybe i am....

but i juz ask myself, "hey, wat do u wanna do in this life??"
"u wanna waste it juz lidat??"

i dun know...

work hasnt been good for him...
fuck his bloody "i-think-i-am-the-smartest-person-on-earth" boss...

his work is affecting him...
so does it affect US...

shall not mention here exactly wat...
but i juz felt deprived...
deprived of everything...

i cant tell him this, knowing that he's stressed enough...
but cant he tell that i am feeling like SHIT inside...
and i mean REAL SHIT!!!

i wanna cry...but dun know wanna cry for wat???
i feel sad and uptight..
but oso dun know for wat...

i juz feel that i am losing "ME"...

i forgotten how i used to me...

i dun hangout as much with my friends now...
i juz stayed at home...

i hate this feeling...but i got no whr i wanna go...
no goals to accomplish...

maybe i should like pick up a hobbie....
but thr's none that attracts me...

saw darling baking those little cupcakes and i am sooo envy...
not that i cant...but thr juz isnt plc that i can do...

baking(aka messing up) in MIL's kitchen...
she's juz gonna kill me....
or maybe i should juz wait till my plc comes...
till i have my own kitchen...

i really feel like crying...
but am not gonna do that...

my lumigan is juz too expensive for me to wash it off my lashes with tears...

wait till one day,
i think i will juz take sometime off and be alone far far away...
when will that be???

i was soo busy doing packing for our honeymoon...
and tonight is my last night and i had slogged enough...

USA, HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!

wahahhhaahah....

its shiok one nahz!!!

been waiting for this day to come since a long long time...
am soo gonna njoy myself yea..

all that shopping,
eye opening...
swiping cheap bags, wallets, cosmetics, shoes, bras, lingeries, accessories, shades...
the list goes on....

i am soo excited nahz...

but oso i can finally spend some quality time with hubbie...

wahahaha...

can neber be happier can??!!!!

ppl first time go honeymoon wat...of course excited nahz!!!
well, as if i had many many marriage and honeymoon before this??!!! wahahhaah...

but i am sure there are more to come nahz...

whahahaha...

we are going to darling's bday party later!!!

wah...another thing that i am super excited abt...

wahahahah...

at naumi hotel...dun know which room thou...
but we are so gonna drink and get high nahz!!!

sooooo soooo long neber drink till vomit liao!!!
but i am not gonna do it nahz...dun worry...wahahha...
i will juz relac and njoy ourselves..

am not gonna blog too much..i am tired nahz...

love...

huggggsss and kissssessssssss to baby...

and...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MUACKZ!!!!!!!!!!!!

alrite, i haben even start typing my first sentence and i already have like 2 cars outside CE with small heads on board...

haiz..

i only juz log in sia!!!

nvm...back to wat i wanna blog abt tonight...

i was browsing thru facebook and happen to see some of my friend's photo with their doggie!!!

woah!!! SOOOoooooooooooooooo cute can??!!!???!!!

since i was a little girl, i have always dream to have a pet doggie...
i found my connection with dogs...
(maybe bcoz my name is Hei "GOU" Mei...but well, thats not the point...)

i mean they are sooo cute and adorable...
so lovable...

when u're happy they share ur joy...
when u're sad they somehow can feel it...
and when u cry, they whine with u too...

i believe this is a God-given connection...
and indeed,
Dogs are Man's BEST Friend...

its pretty common in oversea context that they have guide dogs...
dogs that are specially trained to guide and help blind ppl??

u dun see any hamsters or rabbits, luo han yu or monkeys doing it...

its juz dogs...

it shows wat kinda intelligence they have...

and they are always a symbol of loyalty...
no matter wat happens..
u know they will neber fail to light a smile on ur face...

thus since young, its always my dream to own a doggie...
thou i ever have own a few doggies before...
but mummy is always against it...
u know old ppl dun like pets at hm...they say they are dirty...
well...i think human babies are equally dirty..if u dun bathe them and all...
those were juz lame excuses...

so i tell myself...

I WILL NEVER MARRY A MAN WHO:

1. HATE DOGS
2. DISLIKE DOGS
3. EAT DOGS
4. ALLERGY TO DOGS AND THUS DUN LET ME OWN ONE AT HOME
5. OR FOR WATEVER REASON DUN LET ME HAVE A PUPPY AT HOME

thats why when me and hubbie were walking ard vivo's pet safari (izzit called pet safari?? or watever name that pet shop is...) i asked him whether will he buy me a puppy next time...

he answered: erm..NO...

my heart sunk thru the floors of vivo...

WTF!!!!!!!!!!

i tell u, i swear to all heaven and earth that i will divorce him if he's not gonna buy me a puppy when we have our new home lohz!!!

thats he's promise to me before we got married??!!!??!!!
he said he's gonna get me one as my bday present!!!

he's a FUCKING LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!! isnt it???!!!!!

anyway, if he ever stop me from having a pet doggie, then i'll make sure he sleeps along the corridor of our new flat...

anyway, our new neighbour is his ex-colleague...
he can sleep in his place...

i doubt he will mind...

anyway, be it he happy or not...
i am gonna get one when my new hm is here...
and that our first new member to our family...

haben really got her name yet thou...but i was thinking abt COOKIE...

cute rite...

imagine me holding her treats, shouting "cookie come..."
and she juz wiggle her cute little doggy arse...
running towards me...
jump up to me and give mummy a huge hug...

wahahahahhaha...

watever...
i know i am dumb...lol...

I knew abt this "blogging from ur mobile" thingy since a long long time ago... Tried to like set up an acct long long time ago but seems like its always not successful...

But after multiple attempts, finally I got my mobile acct set up!!!

Yeahz!!!!

I CAN NOW BLOG FROM MY BERRY!!!

Dun need to always find a com to log on...before I can start blogging...

HOORRY!!

Anyway, me is on 4 nights again...

Dun ask me why am I on 4 nights AGAIN...

I got no idea...

Seems like sister knew that I dun have enough money to spend... And give me more nights to do...let me earn more money...

But I think I am not as energetic as before... Doing 4 nights is almost wanting my life...

Maybe I am really old liao...

I can no longer tahan chionging all night...
Play MJ till nxt morning...
Go chalet and tone whole night without sleeping...

Seems like age is really catching up with me...

Anyway, this 4 nights, I am not gonna go bck hubbie's house...

Yes...

Am not gonna let him see me...

Bcoz I think absence make the heart fonder...

As I think he is always taking my presence for granted, me gonna let him have a taste of 5 days without seeing me!!!

Well...and of course hoping that by the time wkend comes, he can't wait to see me again...

However, once again...

High expectation leads to great disappointments...

Thus I shall not expect too much...


Gonna celebrate joycelyn's bday this coming fri...

She say wanna go sentosa and play...

Wow...when was the last time me been to sentosa...
Kinda can't remember liao... But fri is my post night sia...I think I will be super dead by then nahz...
But still gotta buck up and go nahz...

The most put thick thick concealer to cover my dark eye circles...

Sia...I am juz super sleepy nahz... And tired of typing here...

Haiz...

730am faster come!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

today, after having my delicious packed dinner...i cleared up my lunch box and put it on top the the fridge in my tearoom...the usual place where we keep all our lunch boxes and food...

however, there was this freaking bloody stylofoam lunch box which was there for donkey years!!!

i think i seen it there since my first night or worst, even before that!!
i juz find it super familiar...
i wanted to open it and see wat the hell was inside..but i guess it juz always slipped my mind...


i guess i am always too busy in the battlefield beyond my tearoom's door...


finally i decided to risk my life...
to open to the unknown...
well aware that wat awaits me might be tonnes of flying cockroaches, rats, ants or spiders that might crawl out of that yucky box..


but still i decided to open it...


and guess wat i found...

i found this disgusting, yucky mould-ful half-eaten pizza on top of the fridge in our tearoom...



side view...

i went to kakjah and ask whether she wanna have some pizza for supper later??

lol...

u can imagine how disgusting the CE ppl are...

haiz...

Finally i managed to change a NEW BLOG SKIN~!!!! :D

HURRAY!!!!

WAH!!!
u guys juz have no idea how many donkey years i have been figuring out HOW to freaking use a blog skin from bloggers!!!

YES!!!!!!!!!

AND THIS DAY FINALLY HAS ARRIVED!!!!!!!!!!

WAHAHAHAHHA.......

nothign to be soooo proud of...
scarly u ppl are scolding me STUPID behind my back..

aiyahz!! watever!!!!
like i care!!

so for this newly and nicely "furnished" cyper-home of mine...
i promised i gonna blog more oki!!

well, as if i got plenty of readers...
but i know i got 1 die hard fan...

wahahaha...

anyway, had been having neck stiffness this couple of days sia...
dun know izzit due to poor sleeping posture...
or maybe i am have MENINGITIS???!!!



CHOI!! CHOI!! CHOI!!! PUI!!! PUI!!!!


me juz too tired nahz...
after doing countless of 4 nights...
hubbie ask me dun sua sua do soooo many nights...
if not lidat he will hardly see me for the whole wk sia... ;D

lol...

its coming to the end of the whole CNY...
wow...thats fast isnt it??!!!

but the CE girls are gonna go out tml to pai-nian...
and do some last-min angbao collecting...

and i juz read darling's blog!!!
and she made some DELICIOUS CUPCAKES!!!

wow...
making ppl drool sia...
but i think ric will drool all over her mum's table after seeing his fav calamari...and hopefully his Kong Ba Bao...

wahahahha...

time to end all the New Year Bingeing...

okay okay...
darling ask me go in acc her change uniform...
*ps:she took a cab to work!!! SINFUL!!! lol...

i am upset for obvious reasons...
but i am not at all ready to disclose it here...

thinking abt a future...
i dun know whr i am heading to...

i feel like leaving this place..
but seems like i have not planned whr to go...

i am sick and tired...

now i totally understand how and wat she feels...

i shouldnt be bothered by these ppl...
wat they say or do...

at the end of the day,
they are juz passer-by(s)...

think i have more things to worry abt...

i am sick and tired of faking...
faking that i like u ppl,
and i like this plc...

i hope i can move on...
but material stuff is holding me back...

who are my real friends??
only a handful...

but i am glad that i have them...
at least them...

for the rest of the world can die...
i juz need my love ones...

yea!!! Ma honeymoon's coming!!! so happy lahz!!!
After such a looooooong wait...
though we are not going europe liao(as wat we had planned)...
but i am still happy and excited with that idea nahz...

ma totally not interested in seeing old buildings and all...
i want SHOPPING , SHOPPING and SHOPPING!!!!!

and of course...
i like vibrant cities...
i think i am more of that urban type...

so USA, HERE I COME!!!!!

went bck hm yest and was charting with mummy and bro abt my honeymoon...
going whr, how the planning and all...

mummy: "wah..go one honeymoon need sooo much money one ah!!! Go for wat??!!!"

bro: "of course nahz...its once in a life time lehz...only when u honeymoon, then u will go for such a LOOOOONG holiday...after which...FAT HOPE!! anyway, wait they come back u can "carry grandson" liao...

i was back-facing them...
but my face was like -_______-!ll...

anyway, the whole world is getting married..
and soon the whole whole will be giving birth...

yea..
thats part of the cycle yahz...

haiz...
sometimes i think...
i oso wanna have babies...
esp in my area, i see ALOT of cute little kidos okay!!!
and is perfectly aware of how much fun and happiness they can bring into our lives...

but at the same time, i am not really sure whether i am ready for this kinda responsibility or not...
i cant even like take care of myself PROPERLY!!!
how to take care of andrea-richardson junior??

i doubt my ability...

and at the same time... i juz wanna njoy myself first...
thou i keep telling ric abt our 2-yrs baby-free contract...
but seeing all the ppl ard him(esp his relatives) were all married with kids..
u can see the look of envy in his eyes...

somewat i can feel it...

well,
i dun wanna burden myself...
esp when i am planning to take my degree now...

i am super clear that i cant handle work, family, friends, studies and a baby all together!!!
thou i know some ppl are super duper good at handling and managing their time...

i am obviously not one of them...

but at the same time...
i dun wanna disappoint him...

i know his wishes...
esp when he keep telling me...erm...u want u want...a baby???
and how disappoint he was when i told him that my HCG was -ve the other day ...

p/s: oki, i took a HCG the other day bcoz i got super bad migraine and the W24 doc wanna prescribe me some ponstan...knowing well that it might affect pregnancy, he ordered a HCG juz to make sure that i am DEFINITELY not preggy...

p/s/s: btw, he refered me to NNI for ?chronic migraine, and bloodily address me as MDM HEI in his referral!!! is he tired of living or something?!??!!!!??!!! juz dun let me see him in CE, i will make sure he wont survive a day!!!

other than stress from him...
the whole world seems to be asking me, "hey are u pregnant??!! or planning to get pregnant??"

a few reason i can think of why ppl ask tme his:

1. i bloody put on weight after my wedding till i look like am PREGNANT!!!!! FML!!!!
2. they are juz concern.
3. they are juz KPOS...
4. they juz ask for the sake of asking...
5. to strike a conversation with me..but guess u got better things to ask...

well...and somewat it bcums a norm that ppl should get pregnant once they are married???!!!
its like its a SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) that i should be pregnant after i am married...

KI SIAO OR WAT???!!!!???!!!!

its MY vagina, MY uterus, MY fallopian tube and MY EGGS!!!!!!!!!!

when i song i wanna have a baby, i will juz do it!!!

wat has it gonna do with YOU, YOU and YOU - randomies in my life!!!

argh!!!

its really getting on my nerves!!!!

i am juz venting...
maybe auntie wanna come liao...
that y i am feeling this...
we call it PMS...
Pre-Menstrual Syndrome..

aka, Post Marriage Syndrome...

haiz...
another tell-tale sign that obviously i am not PREGNANT...

so...

STOP ASKING!!!!

ROAR!!!!!!!!!

it was really fast...
and my wedding was over...

much faster than i could realised in time...
lol...

anyway its a HUGE load off my shoulders...

once again, i cant have any right words to express how much gratitude i had towards my JMs and Bros...

u guys rocks babe!!!

too bad the raw footage cant be out before CNY...
the videographer said the had too many clients to rush...
but hopefully by end of nxt wk...

anyway,
i didnt have anytime to blog abt my wedding...
since i already have enough things to do, and to keep me busy...

marriage life was so far so good...

he's loving me more...

i could feel it...
and as his wife...
i feel my responsibility to love him more too...and to take care of him...

but that doesn't give him the reason to treat me like a slave sia!!!

but now wat worries me is abt how to keep the flame going??

well, other than have great sex...
thats a no-brainer...

but i think both gotta put in effort to manage nahz...

now me no more small kid...no more single me...

its now "WE" liao...and my mom keep KB say," ai yah u adult liao ah!! gotta take care of ur husband ah!!!"
like as if my husband dun know how to take care of himself...
i had enough training in washing brats' buttock liao... i dun need extra training in that...

this coming CNY will be our FIRST CNY as Mr &Mrs Richard Koh...
wow...

its really kinda exciting...
except the giving angbao part...
and not receiving any...

argh!!!
now i know why adults always dun look forward to cny...
hahahah...

anyway, this is my first night...
and i am already missing my bed...missing him...

4 days not being able to sleep with hubbie...
wat kinda torture it is??? but its a calming time for my ears...
no snoring at least...
wahahahaa...
but i guess i got kinda immune to it liao...
i was like sleeping right in his arms the other day for the WHOLE FREAKING NIGHT!!!!

wah kaoz!!!
usually i cant...
by 3-4am, i would have kicked him several times and ask him to shut up!!!

but i didn't that day!!!
maybe i am juz too tired i guess...

anyway, good day...

looking forward to meeting darling for fu ruo ri...
and night shift with her...

at the mean time..let me slog my life...

i am amazed at how my body handle this stress...

Stress Tolerance Level: 0%

well...
i am juz totally sick of this "I AM AT THE MERCY OF YOU" saga!!!!!!!!!

yes....

i am talking abt none other than the BRIDAL STUDIOS!!!!!!!!

First, they always try to convince u and talk u into buying the most expensive package they can offer...

Next when they got u hooked, they will convince u that everything is fine in ALL means so that they can have less workload...

next they will try to convince u to top up MORE money into ur package...
and everything u ask for they will say,"can....add money lohz..."

then when u ask them to do things, they will say,"oh..but hor if u do this right, it will blah...blah...blah...." and talk to u anything under the sun in hope that they can run away from responsibility....

i am juz soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking sick of it can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and today my makeup artist(MUA) called me...
and something serious reallly cocked up!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i reallly am lost!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel soooooooooooooooooooo pissed that my big aunt juz come...

usually i am due 3-5days later...and i am super zhun one lohz...

but now all these is causing me alot alot of stress...
and is pissing me off totally...

haiz...

who can i talk to???

hubbie is sleeping...

and i feel really lost....

wat if they cant let us have an earlier slot??
and i ALMOST quarrel with my MUA juz now...

haiz...

wat if she draw me into a witch on that day how???

haiz...

wow...i am FINALLY done with my 4 nights...
actually it was not as bad as wat i thought it would be...

so....


GOODBYE CE!!!!!
SEE YA NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!
(which is actually juz 1 day away...but i am off for freaking 5 days!!!! Hooray!!!)



am gonna be REALLY busy with the 过大礼 stuff...

i am tooooo much into all these preparation...
till i had a weird dream yest...

i dreamt that i was getting married!!!

i mean yahz...i know i am REALLY getting married...
but somewat like time flies bery fast...
like one sec i am sleeping on my bed early in the morning...
since i juz got back from a night shift...
and the next moment i am like in my gown getting married!!!!

sia lahz!!!
fast enough or not!!!

wahahahahhaha....

anyway, back to the dream...

i dreamt that all my JMs were at my place...
and my makeup artist was like "drawing" me...

and when i look down,
i was already in my WEDDING GOWN!!!

i was like WTH!!!!
i thought i juz fell aslp...
how come wake up then i bcum the bride liao...

i remembered that in my dream, i still turn and ask weili...
(who was around me when the makeup artist was making up for me)

"hey u sure today is my wedding day???!!!"

"yeah lahz!!!! u siao ah!!!"

"Sure or not!!!! i haben even have my Hen's ngiht lohz!!! we haben even go drink yet lehz!!! i dn remember me attending my hens party and getting drunk at all lehz!!!"
(side story: apparently we were discuss and setting the date for my Hen's night juz the night before i had this dream...wahahahhaa...)

"no we went liao wat!!! u wanna go how many times..."

i still dun feel rite and i think that something is really amissed...
i was even wondering whether am i in a dream during the dream itself...

wahahahahha...

then i thought cannot be nahz!!! sure something wrong...and definitely i am in a dream...
and thus i forced myself to wake up...

and indeed...

i was lying in my bed...


wahhahahahahhaha...

see....

i stress till lidat lehz!!!

wah kaoz!!!

someone better destress me before i go seriously crazy!!!

LOL...

time flies and its counting down to the last month...

its juz 23days more...

and its down to our BIG DAY!!!

other then tiredness...
there are still loads of stuff to be done...

but i guess its getting more and more excited...
as the dream is approaching...
but at the same time i am worried and anxious...

had been reading more and more stuff...
i guess i will juz do my best...
and i know God will do the rest...

gonna guo da li this coming sunday...
wow...thats another huge thng...

and i haben even finish pai-ing my invi cards...

argh~~~!!!

and now i am sourcing for wedding songs...
more of back ground music nahz....
as the main march in songs we had already decided like LONG LONG time ago...

well...
its time to end my break and go out to relieve miss snake women...

1 more night to my deserved 5 day offs...

its been 9 days since i have a rest day...

God Bless Me...

am having my break now...
luckily its juz 2 nights this time round...
if not i am juz gonna die flat...

had been having insomia for many many nights...
i keep scaring myself over worthless things...

well...watever had happened...
i am juz gonna leave it behind now...

all i ask for is a chance to turn over a new leaf and start afresh...
leaving the past behind...
i juz wanna be myself...

the wedding is round the corner and i am feeling more and more stress...

maybe retail therapy is my only escape...

yes....

lol....

wat an excuse to shop rite...

hmmmm....

i juz bought like 7 tops in 2 days???

wahahahahhaha...

and i am super guilty can!!!
bcoz darling is busy at home helping me to do my ang bao box...
while i am happily shopping outside...

ahhhhhhh!!!!
WO ZHEN BU SHI REN!!!!

lol....

but ....

who ask u to be my "LARLING"...

lol...

alot of wedding things seems to be pissing us off...
especially when u know all the ppl whom is servicing u, is juz out to chop u and squeeze ur wallet dry!!!

thats soooooooooooo mutha-fuckingly irritating!!!!

like wat my bridal studio did this afternoon...

bridal studio coordinator: "oh u wanna add another photo huh?? erm...cannot lehz unless u pay additional $85 dollars for the editing..."

andie: "oh oki lohz..then nvm..."

*hung up the phone then call and tell hubbie that they refuse to add in 1 unselected photo into the album for us...

hubbie: "wat is this??!!! u all missed out 1 photo we also didnt make life difficult for u all... now we juz wanna add in another photo then u wanna charge this charge that!!! the photo it self is not even well edited!!! (can still see hubbie's double chin and my fatty arms...lol...i might as well edit myself!!!! i think i do a better job!!!!) why should i pay???!!!!"

bridal studio coordinator: "okay okay...we will add in for u..."(lan lan)

hubbie: "and i wanna meet up with the album designer... once he/she is done with the design..."

bridal studio coordinator: "okay okay...i will try to arrange the date for u..."

really irritating lohz!!!
they are juz out to squeeze our money and not even taking pride in their work...

really pissed off with them!!!

they better fuckingly do our album properly...
if not i gonna FFFFFFFFFFffffffff..... them upside down lohz!!!!

angry!!!!!

hmmmm....

for the time being...
i think i juz gonna relax and take things easy...

looking forward to sunday...
finally can rest in hubbie's arm...
haben been seeing him for almost a wk liao...
miss him big time...

Random: i juz took my weight this pm...down by another 1.5kg...

woooooohooooo....(spin round the room!!!!)

YEAH!!!!!!!

Yoga Work Wonders!!!!!

"日久见人心"...

i hope i will neber need to use these words on someone...

well...

today was all fine till i was totally pissed by someone's actions...

maybe i am not meant to be respected...

i felt really pissed...

i am too tired to say/type out/describe how pissed i am here...

u know wat i mean...

like wat i ALREADY said a thousand times(like i have not said enough...)

maybe i am someone of NO POSITION in his heart.

i felt it countless times...

maybe its time for us to step back and think...

is it all worth it??

well..
the things u hate and dislike,
i wont do it upon u anymore.

even though it may be a means of me telling that i need u,
to feel u, for me to feel secured...

but since u detest it so much...

i had learnt to keep things to myself...

much more than wat u thought i am keeping from u...

i will do it,
even if it cause myself a drastic change...

i wont care anymore...

like who will even care abt ME??

i am getting numb...
really numb...

slowly, my fingers are losing the touch of u...

eventually,
my heart will lose the touch of u in my life too...

wat can i do??

that numb feeling u know??

well,

i doubt u will ever understand.

X'mas is coming...

and its a season for the Snow, Thanksgiving, Carols, Santa Claus, Pressies, Logcakes, Turkey, Xmas Trees...

oh...not forgetting the ANGELS...

was looking around for some angel costumes for hubbie...
but found none...

mainly bcoz we got no idea how a MALE angel should look like...

lol...

maybe like some Egyptian man + a pair of angel wing + halo???

*shugged shoulders*

so i went online and googled for some images...

and was WOW-ed!!!!

YEAH!!!!

I WANT THESE ANGELS!!!
*PS: provided hubbie will look like this... -___- !ll



fallen...but still look as delicious!!!
*slurp*




OMG!!! look at the obliques!!!

wah....

i will salivate till i turn hypovolaemic!!!

i dun know wats wrong with me...
but seems like every single thing is pissing me off!!!

the wedding is near but there are still tonnes of things to be done...
was i even this stressed during my adv. dip??

i dun remember...

start to feel like its a chore...
rather than something i am looking forward to...

maybe its towards the start of the month,
when my auntie neber fail to visit me...
i feel the same pissed feeling...

its was 2130hr and i was rushing home juz now bcoz i am on am shift tml!!!
and the night shift ppl are still not out at 2135hr!!!
my blood started BOILING(AGAIN)!!!!

haiz...

and the last patient i triaged was a freaking "F+++++++++++++" father that juz wanna "F" all the ppl around him...
i dun know wats wrong with him...

he shouted at me, "u all better treat my son properly hor!!! Recently u all got a big news say wat got children die in KKH hor!!!!"

in my heart, "hello uncle...this is a HOSPITAL... ppl dun die here, die where??? if u soooooo scare that ur son will die here, then go somewhere else lohz...who needs ur son's dead body here???"

PISSED!!!

ppl are juz so moronic and they think that they are so SMART!!!

SO SMART THEN TREAT UR OWN CHILD!!!

thats wat i hate abt morons....
act as if they know alot when they know nuts...

pissed me off fuckers!!!

this blogging during night shift thingy is a real CURSE~~~!!!!
i dun know where these "sick" kids come from...
but they seems to come here by coaches or bus....

dun come then all dun come,
but one come, all come at one go!!!

WTF!!!

there's another xiao tou coming!!!!
wah lan eh!!!
enough or not???!!
argh!!!!

and they dun seem to understand that they are suppose to get a queue number, seat down, and wait for the nurses to see them before they register...

thats so fucking irritating can!!!
every fucking time when i am half way triaging,
i gotta always look out for idiots that barge in,
looking like they lost their way in a forest or desert,
and as if their child's super fucking sick...

i got sooooo fucking pissed, i gotta stop my triaging and say, "please take a queue no first and i will call for u shortly."

wah kaoz!!!
its bloody written on the signage and cant u read it urself???


are u all illiterate or blind??


its so distracting and i cant concentrate fully on assessing my patients...

and no matter wat we do, wat signage we put or wat ever shit,
there will still be morons that are like this...

they think this is their ah gong's hospital!!!

then when asked wat is ur child's name??

"fever!! FEVER!!!"

TMD!!!!
its ur fucking child call FEVER!!!

argh!!!!

i am juz soooo fucking pissed!!!

haiz...

i think i over-worked...

i need a break..

wat i had last wk wasnt really a break...
i still gotta fucking write report for my HK trip!!!
and i am already dozing off...

haiz...

and why cant some ppl juz understand and stop making me soo irritated and continue pissing me off...

well,

WATEVER.

i couldnt be bothered...

here's another xiao tou...
(oh...and its an indian xiao tou...)

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

*ps: sorry for all the vulgarities... but i really cant take it anymore!!! luckily HO LF came out on time to relieve me...if not i think i will scream at the next idiotic patient that i see...*ROAR*

hey hey...
me juz back from hk...
for the 4th day i guess...
but i am still sooo tired...
waking up early at 7 plus and sleeping at 1 plus every single day,
with a 12 hours of non-stop walking on heels isnt something fun at all!!!
however, this trip is an eye-opener...

i always thought Singapore was REALLY advance in medical technology...
but i was WRONG!!

One Mountain still got Another Mountain Higher!!!

but we still not that bad nahz...
still consider we can deliver high standard of medical care...

anyway, this time back to hk,
brought back alot of memories...
the last time i went there was to celebrate his bday for him...
when he was in HK for an exchange program...

i still remembered it was meant to be a surprise!!!
but i kinda let the cat outta the bag...
lol...

i still remembered how everything went...
the 10 days i was there in HK with him....
and he skipped classes juz to accompany me thru the 10 days...

lol...

sweetest memories ever...
precious indeed...

anyway,
i gotta get back to me usual routine...
sleep early(at 6am) and wake up late(say 2pm???)

my biological clock totally hay wired after i went there...
when ppl forced us to have morning call at 630am, when we are only meeting at 9am...
(i got totally no idea why they gotta do this...)
and sleeping at 1am...and get up at 730am again the next day!!!!

argh!!!!
i hate office hours suddenly!!!
but i gian the wk end off...
haiz...
maybe i should juz stick to shift work for the time being...

am leaving on this coming tues...
for hongkok...

still got another free day to pack my stuff and all...
do some last min purchasing for some random toiletries...

am taking this chance to take a break too...
away from the noise, the confusion, the busy surroundings...
away from my usual place...

going into a new place,
new environment...
new friends,
new ppl i'm meeting everyday...
new things to discover...

its a form of escape i guess...
an extra space given to me to think and ponder thru questions and things that had happened...

come to think,
i should be BERY busy with my wedding preps...
and actually i am...
but my mind cant seem to be settled...

always taking other ppl's problem to tire myself out...
that seems to be one of my fav pastime...

maybe i am juz lidat....
maybe it juz runs in my bld...

this KPO character...

maybe i am really one...

hahahaha...

i dun know how to continue writing this entry...

i am tired...
worn out...

i have tonnes of words in my heart,
but i cant express it...
not at this point of time...

maybe there are many many misunderstandings...
but i am not really ready to find out wats really going on...
i need time to juz rest my mind...
and carry on with life...

so does all my friends...
those whom i loved and cared...

if u ask me if its all worth it?

then my answer would be a DEFINITE NO!!!

but i still cant hide how upset i am...
i am really bad with hiding my emotions...
or maybe bcoz i do feel and really cared...

or maybe bcoz i've been there and felt EXACTLY (well, maybe almost exactly) how u feel...
i am saying from a guo lai ren's POV...

if all u want from me is to say wat u desire to hear...
then i am sorry...
i am not that sort of friend...

i said nasty things...
all bcoz i cared...

maybe i am juz too emotionally involved...
too into it as if its my own business....

maybe in the first place i should have drawn a line...
a marking to where i should have stop...

but now its too late...
i had gone way beyond where i should have been...

maybe i should juz let go and forget abt all...
afterall, its not something that i am in control...

i like chatting with kev...
somehow he has the ability to make ppl wanna pour their soul and spirit out when talking to him...

maybe bcoz he is not involved...
thus he is able to see a clearer and more objective view abt alot of things...

hmmm...

anyway, it doesnt matter now...

i am juz tired...
and i juz wanna forget and get on with life...

may all this be juz a nightmare...
that was neber REAL...

was able to be in traige for consecative 3 nights...
not bad liao...

all thankz to my dear colleagues who are soo lovable and caring to change assignment with a swollen eyelid girl...

i was neber more thankful...

but my break was like split into 4 parts,
all thanks to doris who neber fail to call resus (always)...

i was all too free and i decided to resume blogging..

actually i had several unfinished entries...
that i dun think i am gonna finish typing them...
its pointess...
i already kinda forgotten how i feel at that instant when i was writing it...

so i had decided to delete them...

blogger had getting really irritating when i try to add picts...
well, since a long long long long long time they had been this irritating...

so i will totally boycott bloger when u wanna load any photos...

my fans who wanna see more updated photos of me,
can visit my facebook then...
thou i may start to boycott Facebook too...
as its starting to get boring, and irritating...
but we'll see how it goes...
at the mean time, it still a good and fast way to load and store my pict on cyberspace...

so i guess its juz gonna be words and words in this place...
maybe i should go for more short short entries...

well.
i'll try to keep everything sweet and short...
simple and nice..

alrite, i will juz stop here then. bye

i cant apologise more tat my blog is sooo badly maintained...
hmmm...
i am not that IT-savy after all...

had been loking thru blogger.com,
searching for nice blogskin but i found none...

its hubbie's bday...
and i juz wanna say a big...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant emphasize more...
abt how fortunate i am, to be able to find ya....

well....
i am a xiao jie...
and i have a bery xiao jie pi qi...
(yeah...i know i got bery bad temper... and u always call me nano-gas...)

*ps: i had goggled over the net and this is wat i found on wikipedia
Nano means something very small. It comes from the Greek word nanos (νάνος) which means dwarf.
*pps: i am obvious NOT a Dwarf!!! but well, maybe i AM a little more difficult to handle...this i agree...lol...

but deep down u know i still love u...
(despite me throwing my tantrum around(alot)...lol...)

hmmmm...
our wedding's round the corner...
and i am recently REALLY busy with my eyes surgery etc...
so i have yet to find time to really get ur present and stuff...
but i hope u will love wat i am planing to get for u...

well, i really really hope so!!
i am not a good gf,
but neither are u a GOOD bf lohz!!!

u already kinda predicted wat i gonna buy!!!
and u are really a surprise spoiler by saying eh, u shouldnt buy this nahz..waste money etc etc...

BLOODY HELL!!!

juz like grace lidat!!

SICK IN THE MIND!!

lol...

anyway, i gonna end my blog here...

been huanting by the endless "xiao-tou" coming my way...

argh!!!!

the curse of blogging during night shift....

finally...

i got my eye job done...
and going thru the healing process now...

argh!!
its indeed tough...

walking around with a swollen pair of eyes isnt wat i wanna be seen with...
still healing takes time...

and yeah...
i am that sort of impatient bitch...

am heading to HK in 8 days time...
for some educational trip that MOH organised...

well,
i am kinda looking forward,
but at the same time i am not...
well, partly due to my swollen eyes,
another thing is that i wont be able to spend much time with him over that wk end...

haiz...

izzit that i am pms-ing...
or i juz simply love to be affected by other ppl's problem...

when the whole world thinks it has nothing gonna do with them...
its only me that is left to feel pissed and angry over the whole matter...
i mean...
i oso dun know why...
but i juz felt pissed...

the same kinda pissed feeling when she left us...
not really a sense of betrayal...
but feels like we cannot be trusted and watever we say simply holds no weight in ppl's heart...

maybe we are not their real friends...

i dun know...

something that kevin told me the other night...

abt woman being a powerful creature...

he said "Behind every successful man, there is forever a strong woman..."

will, i guess we heard abt this a 100000000 times...
but who ever ponder wat this phrase really means?

well,
at least i did...

I always thought that behind every successful man, there will always be a woman who:

1. helps to take care of his kids while he slog his life @ work.
2. prepare his dinner and wait patiently for him to come home.
3. take care of his daily laundry and washing stuff.
4. clear up the house/the mess that the kids made.
5. lie in bed and wait for her man to be home.
6. be his sex slave and make all his fantasies come true.
7. neber ask wat he is doing outside.

last but not least,
8. make him feel like he's the KING...

hubbie always says as long as i take care of the things at home and put his mind in peace,
well knowing that somebody is jagar-ing his home for him...
so he could have a peaceful mind and go all out and fight in his career and provide his best for his family...

maybe thats from a man's POV...

but kev instill a new thinking into me...

he said... its all abt POP...

POWER OF the PUSSY!!!

well...please dun get me wrong...its not that "pussy" u are thinking abt...

like shooting ping pong ball using ur uhem... down there...
or hiding some razor blades inside us...
(liek those thai-show stunt...lol..)

but its all abt the POWER of WOMAN...

we have certain powers,
or rather we can manipulate ppl using their love for us/ sexual desire for us to achieve somethings...
of course i dun mean like get me a drink and i will bed u??

no no...thats not wat i mean...

well, many man think with their head...
0.00001% big head and 99.99999% with their small head...

so well basically man is a pretty easy animal to control...
but why is there so many heart breaking bastards out there???

we blame no one but ourselves...

we are the one that open ourselves to all these hurts...
we are the one that asked for it...
we are the one that is not strong enough and fumble at their feet...
we let our heart to play us out....

i had neber seen many woman exercising their power...
well, at least not the ppl around me...
not even myself...

we give in too easily...
we cant let go...
we hold on to useless relationship...
we hate the feeling of losing...
we hate that heartache...

we are stupid woman...

but who dun fall and learn their lesson?

well, at least i look back,
and saw my old scars...
i am glad that i had them to keep...

it reminds me of how badly i was hurt the other time,
how much pain i went thru,
how much tears i shed,

and how fortunate i am now...
how i rip the fruits of wat i sowed...

heartaches are meant to be accepted and lessons are meant to be learnt...
but not meant to be kept in ur heart to torture u till ur death bed...

when are u going to wake up and accept that wat u want isnt really HIM?
when are u going to realise that he can give u nothing?
when can u let go of ur past and accept that things are neber gonna be the same?
when can u understand that u and him are already in the history?

i felt sad when my friend told me that i dun understand..
maybe i really dont...
at least thats wat she feels...

if thats wat keeps u happy, by all means...
i juz hope that history do not repeat itself...

T.C.

time flies...
and its abt 3 months plus since my last entry...

yeah...
i am busy...
VERY BUSY...

with all the wedding preps...
and travelling around...
hahahahhaha...

Life is Good...

hmmm....
i dun think anyone will notice that i actually updated my blog today...
bcoz it had been untouched for like ages...
hahaha...
i doubt anyone will bother to go and browse thru it now...

anyway...
who cares...

hmmm...i juz had my wedding photoshoot done like 2 wks ago...
and now i am waiting "patiently" for the photos to be out...
and wat the hell is taking them sooo long to load my photos from the memory card to the com???
i seriously have no idea...

i guess i will juz give them a call and find out how things are going...
afterall, we paid sooo much, of course i am not gonna let the bridal shop ppl sit there shake leg rite...
hahahaha...
think its bery difficult to earn my money sia...
hahahahha...

Life is Good...
(oh..did i already mention it??)

then well...
i cant neber re-emphasize it enough...
lol...

i am loving him more...
thou at times he still does make me angry...
but i think i am one lucky girl...

he seems to be flirting more with me now...
abit mushy to said that he flirts with me rite...
hahaha...
but he does!!!
and i am lov'in it~~~~!!!
(for once i am agreeing with MacDonald's slogan...)

hmmm....
i dun know...
i had always been on 4 nights recently...
and even when i work normal shift...
i dun see him THAT often now...
(we use to seeing each other like 2 to 3x a week...)

but now..i will only stay over at his place over the weekend...
and as the week starts...
i am back to my house...

but even when i dun see him,
i still feel that i am being loved by this special someone...
and it feels really xing fu...
now that i have a BB, we can communicate even easier...
that makes things much easier and better for the both of us...
lol...

hmmm...
as the days goes by...
my wedding is oso around the corner...
and i am full of excitment...

not only abt the end result...
but the whole process of choosing our hotel, to deciding on the gown, till Photoshooting, sorting out for PG and VGs, and there are still one whole list of things/task that are to be done...

we are busy...
but busy till we feel soo blissful...
its like a dream come true...

its like everyday,
i am counting down...

and after our wedding, shortly will be our house thats coming...

wow...

i am soon-to-be a man's wife...
and having my own home with him...

sometimes its juz so unbelievable...

looking back...
i juz knew him when i was in sec 4...
those childish days...
hahaha...
hmmm....i dun dare to look back...

but now...
vroooommm....

here we are walking down the aisle towards our future...

i think time flies faster than a ferrari....
hahahahaha...

sweetest memories stays..

and we are another Happily Married Couple....

23/01/2010, Pac Pacific...

hmmm...
my head have neber been this BIG before...
doing all the sums for the wedding...
going to sign up the videography package by the end of this month...
and this will cost us a good 4k+ already...
haiz...

i started doing my accounts for our wedding sia...
and now in my head is juz $$$$ & ¢¢¢¢...

argh!!!

i gotta really start looking into my spendings...

so no more shopping...
no more cabbing...
no more dining in high class restaurants...
normal restaurants oso cannot...

must eat hawker or if got home cook food,
thats the best!!
lol...

hmmmm...i suppose everyone works hard and save as much as they can before the wedding sia??
or am i the only one??

hmmmm..i doubt so...
after all, money dun drop from the sky...
and everyone works hard to earn wat they want...

and not everyone is soooooooooo fortunate to marry a millionaire or billionaire...

but i am already bery fortunate to marry a FUTURE Billionaire!!!
(i really hope so sia!!! so i can shake leg at home!! hahaha...)

*p/s: dear, this is juz a joke..not meant to stress u further in ur already bery stressful working environment...

hmmm...
its time to rest my mind!!!

all the H1N1 cases are driving us nuts!!!!
and i kena OT sia!!
so i worked like from 1800 to 0330!!!
9 1/2 hrs...

well...
maybe alot of u work longer hrs...
but working 9 1/2 hrs in A&E isnt an easy task...

imagine the whole time u need to be on ur toes...
buzzing around like some busy bee...
neber once ur leg will stop walking...
nor ur butt hitting the chair...

even if u sit in triage,
ur mind gotta keep spinning and working...
esp when u triage patients...
not an easy task...
thats why ppl say triaging is the most tough section in the A&E...
thus supervisiors always assign those that are more senior and experienced there...

afterall, recognising a sick child and providing immediately treatment isnt always easy...
kinda test ur clinical knowledge, observation skills, abilty to pick up abnormal findings quickly and being bery sharp and steady with ur work...

and after a long day,
i am still awake now!!!
kinda steady rite...
hahahaha...

alrite..i think i am abit groggy now...
time to hit the sheets...

i bet u wont find this cutie boy unfamiliar...


esp those die hard "American Idol" fan!!!!


yeah...

he's Adam Lambert...


hmmm...i dun really watch American Idol...
(nurses dun have time and the luxury to go after drama/tv series...shift work kill lives!!!)

but i somewat saw this cutie pie on yahoo news!!!
omg omg...
he's sooooooo cute!!!!
the moment i saw his pict,
i juz spend my whole day googling all abt him!!!

my 2nd nights....
and i am absolutely tired...
my dun-know-how-many-freaking-rounds-of-friday-sat-and-sunday-nights!!!

i miss my wkend offs...
haben been having one for like yrs!!!!

suddenly i juz feel that i want to spend more time with him...

note:
its not that we gotta spend more time together...
but rather...
its me wanting to spend more time with him......

hmmm...
i missed his embrace...
sleeping in his arms...
his smell...
his voice...
his warm hands...
his everything...

sometimes i really think that i am already bery fortunate...
looking at the ppl around me...

i means its not like i got absolutely no problems haunting me in life...
well...
maybe not at this moment of time...

i still remembered how i scolded him upside down this morning bcoz he was suppose to come and fetch me...and was 30 mins late!!!

argh!!!

i was really fuming!!!
imagine not have ANY sleep for a good 12 hrs...
its not really fun to keep waiting like donkeys outside the dept...

i gave him a piece of my mind the moment i got up the car!!!

but by the time we reach the hawker centre for breakfast...
we were giggling away already...

hahahahaha...

somewat i realised its not a must to get wat we yearn for...
and wat we want may not necessary turn out to be wat's really for us...

but rather...
wanting something/someone that can make yourself happy is the most impt thing...

so i guess its always happier to have someone to love u, rather than loving someone...
esp if that someone simply doesn't appreciate ur love at all...
and stepping it on the ground like some dirt...

i guess i had grown up alot...
thru the things i had gone thru...

events that were witnessed by all...
while others were juz small little secrets that i would love to keep it to myself forever...

its painful even when u try to think back...
the pain somewat lingers...

but rather than avoiding it...
forcing urself to forget or even to deny its existence...

i guess...it would be better to accept and acknowledge them...
and learn from it...
as all were valuable lessons in life...
and be grateful that u had seen and been thru them...

hmmm...
definitely there are more to come...

but now i am no longer handling it all alone...
i know that he will always be there with me...

BEWARE!!!!

I AM NOT IN THE PERFECT STATE OF MIND TO THINKING NORMALLY!!!!

JUZ THE TIME OF THE MONTH WHEN MY HORMONES SURGES AND ANY IRRITANTS WILL JUZ KILL!!!

SO SCRAM OFF!!!

BEFORE I START TO KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT A NEW PHONE...


BLACK BERRY STORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


but my mobile plan is gonna expired only next yr!!!!


ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!